Lateral Perspectives

The huge world inside a tiny head

Archive for the category “Uncategorized”

Blocking

There is something that is blocking me to be productive. I cant place my finger on it. It prevents me from thinking logically. It is preventing me from memorizing stuff.

It is not allowing me to do my assignments. I need help it seems. Or am I just being paranoid, because there is too much stress I cant handle?

I fear failure. I had an assumption that I was brilliant academically and that notion is shattering to pieces day by day.

I badly, badly need a break. Unfortunately, I won’t be getting that until after May, after the University trimester exams.

Then I’ll be going back to India in July.

Oh how I wish to lay my head on my mother’s lap!  My heart earns for her gentle caress on my forehead, that chases all negative thoughts away.

Missing you very badly Mom 😥

വിത്തുകൾ

ചില വാക്കുകൾ വിത്തുകളായി മനസ്സിൽ പതിച്ചു. കണ്ണുനീർ അതിനെ നനച്ചു. വെന്തുരുകിയ നെഞ്ചു ചൂടേകി. ആ വിത്തുകൾ വളർന്നു, അവയുടെ വേരുകൾ ആ മണ്ണിലേക്കാഴ്ന്നിറങ്ങി. ഋതുക്കൾ വന്നു പോയി. ചെടികൾ വളർന്നു മരങ്ങളായി. കായ്കൾ കായ്ച്ചു. പക്ഷികൾ ചേക്കേറി, അവിടമിന്നൊരു വനമായി. അതിലൂടൊഴുകുന്നൊരു പുഴയുടെ തീരത്തു, ഒരു വാക മരത്തിൻ തണലിൽ ഞാൻ മയങ്ങി. സ്വപ്നങ്ങളില്ലാത്ത ഉറക്കം. ഉറങ്ങി എഴുന്നേറ്റപ്പോൾ മുൻപിൽ മറ്റൊരു തൈ വളർന്നു വന്നിരിക്കുന്നത് കണ്ണിൽ പെട്ടു. ഞാൻ ഒരുപാട് നേരം ഉറങ്ങിയിരിക്കണം. എങ്കിലും ഇതു ഞാൻ പാകിയതു തന്നെയോ? ചെറുതെങ്കിലും, അതിൽ പൂക്കളുണ്ട്. സായാഹ്ന സൂര്യന്റെ ചുവപ്പു നിറമുള്ള പൂക്കൾ.

Childhood

Came across this video below a few days back. To say I was stunned would be an understatement. This is what I love best about cinema- the visual art. It stirs and moves something inside you. It makes you writhe with pleasure to see something you can identify with. Something you long to return to, something that has been lost ever since you grew up. Something this current generation will never be able to understand. Our childhood, the safely kept aside, hidden, sweet childhood.

What astonishes me is the total lack of applause for this visual treat. It speaks tons, my readers, tons!

My own childhood is very well a blend of this, heavily leaning to the rural side.

It shows the life of two girls growing up. One, a rural life, a conformist, the other, a rebel.Even at this time, the director was able to portray the rural life quite accurately. The visuals might resonate best with women from Kerala,India.

The actors, the growing up phases. Even the scene where the milk glass is on the ground and biscuits around it  is oh so lovely!  How both women looks at the world around them, their doubts, their anxieties, the curiosity about their bodies, Aashique Abu, you deserve a golden globe, sir.

There exists a third category,  a blend of these two. I am one of them. Sometimes I feel this identity crisis- am I a village   boy, or an urban one?

You can check out the lyrics here.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-English-translation-for-this-malayalam-song

Intimacy

More than just being curious about sex, I crave for intimacy. 

I wonder how it is to sit beside a person. To have her head on my shoulders. To entwine my fingers with hers. To kiss her on the forehead, and then talk about something, anything – a past memory, a future plan. 

To sit somewhere windy, to feel that wind, and to hold her close. That sense of being together. 

It must feel wonderful. Isn’t it?

You lucky little fucking couples. 

നാണിയമ്മയും ടിപ്പുവും

  

My Selfish Post

I’m one of those people who despises people who are naive. So much that, this post itself is a blaring horn of hypocrity. 

I confess. I’m a weak person. Although I do not like taking selfies, I’m a sucker for a good picture of mine. Especially because it’s very rare that I get a good picture of me. Top points if my wild hair looks cool. I will be the one usually, behind the camera, to get a good picture of other people. And people in return helps to take piss poor picture of me with the same camera.

Now before you judge, I was not insisting(much) to take these pictures. My colleague had bought a camera and wanted to try taking some pictures. I obliged. And me so happy with the pictures that I wanted to share it here. 

Then again, this is my bloody blog and I can put whatever the fuck I want. This is me on a friday night (Saturday morning) after work around 3AM Singapore time.

   
 

Favourite Song lyrics

I will need to create a section where I can post the most beautiful song lyrics that I have come across.  English, malayalam, tamil and Hindi shall be covered mostly. 

Netru Illaathe Maattram Ennathu? 😉

Orhan Pamuk

Ever since I read “Snow” back in 2007,   the single most important book in my life, I always wanted to read another one by Pamuk. I did find his books in the library,  but for some unknown reason, I didn’t want to read them. Remember, I was 15 when I read Snow, and was enchanted,  but deep down in my heart, I knew,  I wasn’t mature enough to grasp his thoughts and similes.

Every time I went to the library,  this thought nagged me, and was somehow forgotten, yet still there,  like that object in your desk. You know its there, you are aware of it, but you dont glance at it often enough.

And now,  8 years after Snow, I laid my hands on “My Name is Red”.

Finally I can be at peace temporarily,  for   this is another book that will alwas be in that special drawer.

Orhan Pamuk, you are more than a  master storyteller. You are much above that, and deserves to be among the living legends.  I do not have enough words in me to describe my affection for you and your words, and I shall not attempt to do so either.

All I can say is,  Thank You Sir.

Laughter and friendship

I was on the MRT the other day, and the cabin was mostly empty. At  a stop, 4 malay teenagers came in. They were from ITE. They were very loud. No, strike that, they were NOISY!  At first, I felt annoyed. But then one of the guy started laughing. He was very tiny, and guessing from the way he looked, one might put him around 14 years old.

And I loved the sound of that laugh. I took me back to my own school days, particularly a day when my friend cracked a joke, and I lost my sense of environment and burst out laughing-in the middle of the class- while the being taught. And I kept on laughing! I was mixed emotions, I tried to stifle my laughter, but bursting out. I was afraid that the teacher was angry. I was embarrassed for letting out that huge belly laugh.I was 15 then.

And here, eight years later,  at a time when I was commuting for work, dulled by the monotony of the working life, I came across another set of people, whose language I did not know, laughing. Oh how time flies! I would probably give everything to go back to being a student in high school.

To have petty worries about exam, to rush and do the homework before the first bell, to poke a friend in the ribs, to veer his hand of course while writing, and most importantly, to be happy and let out that deep belly laugh.

Not while she is teaching, hopefully.

Semi-Offline

Lately, I have been feeling bored. Bored than usual. I had stuff to do, but I did not do them. I had obligations, but somehow I sidestepped them. I wanted to do things, but for some reason, I did not. It did not take much time to figure out why. What was the predominant thing that took up most of my time? Facebook.

Facebook has this magic allure to it, and it’s very hard to say no to it. It capitalises on the one of the core of human emotions, vanity. The desire to be popular. I am not blaming facebook, it do help people a lot. Living in Singapore and  hailing from India. It helps me to see how my family and friends are faring. I get to see and know ,the most important moments of their lives.

But mainly, we want to see how many people liked that photo of yours, that quote you thought was pretty deep, that video which is oh-so-hilarious.  For some unknown reason, the numbers did not meet your expectation, while that better looking friend of  yours seem to have plenty.

However, the part that got to me most was that it was sucking a lot of my personal time. Time when I should be reading, studying, learn guitar, write something, everything got washed away due to those posts of funny videos and likewise.

Facebook was on my face at home, in the train, at work, everywhere. Gradually I got tired of it. I had taken books from libraries, and I did not read them. Then one day, I decided enough was enough. I took the  book with me, planning to read on the train. I succeeded somewhat, still hampered by the fact that I was checking facebook every now and then.

Step two, I turned off data. But at times I needed Whatsapp, so I turned it back on.

Step three, I uninstalled the app, choosing to login through web browser. This helped me a lot, but then I was spending time on my laptop during the weekends.

Step four, deactivated Facebook. Like, finally. This should have been Step one.

I now enjoy a much peaceful life,I finish reading a bunch of books, felt generally happier, did stuff that was pending.

I can’t deny the fact facebook is useful though.However,will continue to put facebook on hold till I get things straight.

I think everybody should do this. Try not logging into facebook and see how you fare. Better, try turning off your phone data and try travelling. And for those of you who would like a challenge, deactivate your account for a month, and tell me how you feel.

World would be a much better place if we could talk face to face rather than through a 5 inch screen.

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