Lateral Perspectives

The huge world inside a tiny head

Archive for the tag “friends”

Being Selfish

Sometimes, I do wonder  why is it that we cannot be selfish. Or in my case, why the heck can’t I be selfish?  Up till I when I turned 24, which was last year, I was pretty selfless. I was the good guy, the polite person, the person who never said  “No” to a request for help. I felt that I was obliged to help, that it is my moral duty to be concerned about the lives of others.  I felt good. I was the good agnostic Samaritan.

I did not help in the belief that I would be rewarded for my behaviour.  But then again, life did not return any favors to me. I often helped and went out of my way for friends, even people I barely knew. The days after those where usually hard for me.

Most of the time I would turn to someone else for helping others, and in the end, I would be the one who couldn’t sleep at night thinking about what I owe to others. I would be the one who  would kept waiting and apologize endlessly if I were the one to turn up late. I  was the one who would initiate conversations because I thought it was me who should talk. I would be the one who would remember the birthdays, the one to call and care for others.

I’m not whining. No, strike that. This is my blog, I do whatever the hell I want. I am whining. I am sick and tired of people who takes me for granted. Man up! Grow some balls, you might say. Fuck you too. Some stuff are drilled deep down since childhood and its not easy to pluck them apart. Especially when your parents taught and still practises those.

All through my childhood, I saw my parents always helping others. They would worry themselves sick thinking about others. All said and done, they were pretty much left alone when the other parties came out of their troubles and got comfortable. I have seen the disappointment in their eyes when talking about someone. Now,there are few exceptional people in their lives who turned out to be dark horses, and gave much happiness to my parents. I always recall them fondly. And because of these few fellows, my parents are still selfless, maybe a bit less now, now that they had a whole lifetime to see how things turn out, and now chooses people after much consideration.  I really admire those who are still selfless, however, I have witnessed how the lives of very such people deteriorate in front of my own eyes.

Amidst the close  and general friends, there lies a section of people whom we hold a little closer to our hearts, yet lets you down almost every time.Sometimes I am really confused. Am I right in expecting something from them? Doesn’t that make whatever I do selfish?

But then aren’t they selfish too? Then, does that make the relationships merely fake? Is it worth keeping these so called friendships alive? Are we just adjusting ourselves, taking advantage of whatever the other person has to offer, enjoying the brief time, and then move with a glance back occasionally, as if to give out the sense that we will be present in hard times?

Maybe we ought to be more selective to whom we give our time, right? Give it to the right people, who expresses gratitude and won’t take us for granted. However, truth is that sometimes they may not be the company that we want. How confusing is it that the people that we love and hold dear are sometimes very selfish? Does that mean I don’t want their company? No! I like being around them except when they are not selfish. But then that would make us selfish!

Sounds confusing, doesn’t it? Either because it actually is confusing, or because I am writing this at 4:30 AM in the morning, Singapore time, after watching 2 movies back to back.

Sometimes I think, fuck these people, I am going to live the way I want, and not care about the little shits. A day later, I will be feeling super guilty, usually.

Maybe, just maybe, once I get married (*audience laughs*), and “settles down” (*laughs again*) I might have a set of friends on whom I don’t rely too much, but enjoy their company as well.  Most probably that might end up being  the neighbours and my cousins.

All these thoughts actually makes me think of the people, who do actually care for me. My immediate family of course, and then there are some dudes back from my high school- dudes who kept the promises they jokingly wrote on the autograph books,  few neighbours, who still gives a shit about me and wonders whether I got fat(which means better in my case), and lovingly advises that my glorious mane looks ugly as fuck.  I absolutely adore these guys.

Wonder if I will find more such people in the days to come.

Ending this scribble with some dialogues  from one of the most beautiful,perfect movie of all time, Predestination.Which  came into my mind for no particular reason, yet somehow, these seems to be a fitting ending for this rant.

✘ Predestination (2014) | #Predestination . . .
#MovieQuote #MovieQuotes #Movies #Films #Like4Like #Quote #Quotes #EthanHawke #SarahSnook #NoahTaylor #MadeleineWestImage result for predestination movie quotesImage result for predestination movie quotes

 

 

 

 

 

Laughter and friendship

I was on the MRT the other day, and the cabin was mostly empty. At  a stop, 4 malay teenagers came in. They were from ITE. They were very loud. No, strike that, they were NOISY!  At first, I felt annoyed. But then one of the guy started laughing. He was very tiny, and guessing from the way he looked, one might put him around 14 years old.

And I loved the sound of that laugh. I took me back to my own school days, particularly a day when my friend cracked a joke, and I lost my sense of environment and burst out laughing-in the middle of the class- while the being taught. And I kept on laughing! I was mixed emotions, I tried to stifle my laughter, but bursting out. I was afraid that the teacher was angry. I was embarrassed for letting out that huge belly laugh.I was 15 then.

And here, eight years later,  at a time when I was commuting for work, dulled by the monotony of the working life, I came across another set of people, whose language I did not know, laughing. Oh how time flies! I would probably give everything to go back to being a student in high school.

To have petty worries about exam, to rush and do the homework before the first bell, to poke a friend in the ribs, to veer his hand of course while writing, and most importantly, to be happy and let out that deep belly laugh.

Not while she is teaching, hopefully.

EGO

I am probably going to remember this for a very long time. Yep, you must have guessed from the title itself. Like you, I too have a very big,giant douchebag of an ego. I was pissed off about a particular friend of mine(She didn’t know it though). Things are bit complicated between us, but hey, we are friends still the same, and both of us understand each other. I had not talked to her for quite a while. She messaged me a couple of days back. I wanted to call her immediately, but my friggin ego made me give some one-word reply. She responded with an open ended answer,but i closed it with a shitty “mmm”.  I thought now she would be pissed off, and we both would sulk for some more weeks and then I would call her. But no, she messaged me again, and…I have never feeled so ashamed in my life. How can people loke her be so humble and unselfish?

I just know that this is one friendship I should never let go off. May the God she believes in, bless her all her life.

All these days, I had this dark, negative feeling around me, and now I am just sort of bouncing around in my room. I feel so happy!! 

Screw you ego! How many lives have you destroyed so far??

Throw away your ego people!  Call that person right now! Fuck it, buy a bunch of chocolates, some flowers, bring a carton of beer, sing and dance, give them the tightest hug you got and say that you are so damn sorry for being an asshole. You will come off better off it. Praveen guarantees.

Physical Intimacy

Yes, this maybe the usual lament about being single by every lad out there, but hey, each to his own!

Let me make this clear, I am not desperate to have a gf, but it would be nice, I guess.

But more importantly, as the topic demands, is a particular factor in any relationships that I would like to focus-physical intimacy. You see, I am not one who has been around woman much. Yes, I do have female friends, but being Indian, physical proximity is an awkward subject at times. It has been almost defined out there that physical contact should only be between couples or lovers, for our age at least.

These days, everywhere I look, I see couples, people holding hands, heck, even friends who are so close knit, that they don’t mind the physical proximity. I am jealous of them I guess, because I have not had the pleasure in being in such a relationship or in  a group. I find it particularly alluring, the physical contact part.

I almost had a relationship while studying. Almost, because it fizzled out almost immediately. During that time when we were close enough, I was highly sensitive of our proximity.  I wanted nothing more than to be around her, sitting close to her or holding her hand, and she refused me exactly that. She knew that I wanted it badly, and she would tempt and tease me at times. Only once did she so kindly allow(to hold her hand), and just wow!  I must have been the happiest person in the world, just holding her hands. It was a warm, fuzzy feeling, it felt so good, it felt so right.

But after that, never again, had I come in close contact with another girl in such a manner. I almost wish for such a moment, at least one night,

“Aha!” ,you would say.

“You want to be around with woman!”  No, please don’t put words in my wordpress blog. Given a relationship, I am truly going to commit all my heart into it. She would be treated like a queen.

Anyway,now that I am single, I actually do not see any issue if I, say had temporary instances with woman. My hormones are raging,you would say. You are a pervert!, some would scream. I will neither accept nor deny those facts. Since they are both true and false in a manner of speaking. And don’t you dare tell me that you wouldn’t mind such a scenario too! Yes, you too ladies!

Is seeking physical pleasure a crime? Does it define the character of the person? I wouldn’t think so. Before a person is committed to another person, or made a vow to another, I think they have the right to  experiment with their bodies. I have not done anything so far because, I just don’t want a raw physical experience, I could hump a blow up doll or mannequin for all I want! Or head down to Geylang here in Singapore.

I wouldn’t mind a one-night stand. Friends with benefits would be an absolute pleasure, but would be the first one to be thrown out of the door if I sense I would be falling into a relationship with another person.

But no, I would like to have some sort of connection with the person. Call me a fool, call me pretentious, I don’t care. Isn’t that what life is all about? Having experiences, connecting with people, having a better quality of life. In this world where each person is shrinking to the corner with their smartphones, I am willing to spend the time just to walk with someone on a starry night, sing songs out of tune, looking up at the sky, exchanging stories, or just simply being together, silence continuing our conversation. And if I could hold her hand at times,  there is nothing more I could ask for.

The most frustrating thing about this particular piece is that, I can’t put my word across without seeing myself as a playboy or a pretentious little arsehole. I have a gazillion thoughts running through my mind. Reading through this post, I might be looking like someone who need to get laid badly, and I can’t even defend that fact. I do want to get laid in fact, but aaargh!!

This topic would be more meaningful If I actually had a conversation with someone.If anyone who had the chance to read through the thing, do let me know your thoughts. Have you ever had such a time, when you just hung out with someone for a day/ night? I even think one night stands has some romance in it.

My head is a mess right now, cant arrange my thoughts coherently. Might come back to edit this piece again, but then I might become vain or doubt my confidence, so I am going to publish this right now.

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